renungan

Assalamualaikum wbt..

As everyone knows, wew are in the fasting month..RAMADHAN.. a very blessed month to all of us.. although this month can be categories as exciting and enjoying month..but deep inside it is a very challenging month. some said that at this month many people found their true call.. what it means by true call? I think only people who have found it knows the anwers..

I used to think that ramadhan is the same with month. The only difference is we are not allowed to eat nor drink during the day but this ramadhan.. I have changed my perspective. It all started on the 2^nd day of ramadhan, when my mom suddenly said that she saw arwah atuk was smiling at her when she was reciting the holy al-quran. After performing my solah, suddenly I felt strange. I felt soo afraid and my mind went blank..

In my mind, I can only picture when it is like when I am dead. I have no idea what happened to me. All I just know is I am afraid. I am afraid of dying. You know what they said there is no second chance when you are being call by destiny. Sakaratul maut is soo extremely indescribable by words. On that night, I was not able to sleep. I am too afraid that whenever I closed my eyes. I was not being able to wake up the next morning..

All of my sins kept repeat itself in my head. I was crying and crying and crying whenever I think about it. the more I think about it the more fearful I be. I am afraid I was not being able to apologize for all my sins. From that moment I just know that I wasn’t prepared to face the death. At that time I was thinking for asking a time delay where that is not possible. I wasn’t prepared at all. I just sit in my telekung attire and cried on the sjadah thinking bout the possibilities for me to enter the neraka is high..

I am too afraid till I am shivering throughout the night. Those memories about that night still keep fresh in my mind yet I am grateful that I still being a chance to breath, to seek for forgiveness, to always remember HIM, ALLAH SWT. I am grateful for all the memories. Memories of facing the death.

For this ramadhan..in sha allah it will not be wasted like the previous ramadhan. All praised to Allah for reminded me about my purposed of being human and always guide me whenever I messed up..

Forgive me YA ALLAH. Forgive all of them who reads my entry. May ALLAH blessed all of us. I am truly sorry for all my wrong doings. May we get the barakah from this month.. aminn 

with mahabbah

-admin-